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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25063672">All in your head</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyberneticNeon/pseuds/cyberneticNeon'>cyberneticNeon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Dreambubbles, M/M, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:35:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,060</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25063672</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyberneticNeon/pseuds/cyberneticNeon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Brain Ghost Dirk and Jake have a one way feelings jam, and BGD proposes a moirallegiance.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jake English♦️Brain Ghost Dirk Strider, Past Jake English/Dirk Strider - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>All in your head</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
	<span class="pesterlog"><span class="dirk">timaeusTestified [TT]</span> began pestering <span class="jake">golgothasTerror [GT]</span></span><br/>
</p><p>
	<span class="dirk">TT: Happy 13th, bro.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: I have something for you</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Whoa nelly!</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: You are too kind my friend. What is it?</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Wait just one minute...</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Haven’t we had this conversation before?</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Erm, Twice?</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Yeah, I’m honestly impressed you got it so quickly this time.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Wait, so is this Brain Ghost Dirk again?</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Also, I thought the dreambubbles were gone after sburb finished and whatnot.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Yes on both accounts.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: This is just a regular run of the mill dream.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: And I’m just a regular run of the mill brain projection of your ex-boyfriend created by your powers of hope in order to help you through emotional turmoil.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Or whatever the fuck it is that I’m supposed to do.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Even I don’t know why your brain does half the shit it does and it is literally me.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Well I don’t really quite understand all that, but I don’t think I’m really half as complex as you’re making me out to be.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: I’m just a lad who can’t quite satiate his taste for adventure!</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Jake, please don’t sell yourself short. You and I both know you’re more observant than you give yourself credit for.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: I honestly don’t know why we are still talking about this.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: We’re literally just rehashing what we did last time.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: We’ve already had this epiphany.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: I just...</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: C-can we not talk about this?</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: I’m really not comfortable with this.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Why is that Jake?</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Is it because you don’t want to acknowledge your flaws?</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Or is it because I’m so similar to your aforementioned ex?</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Look, can you just stop please?</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Why is that Jake?</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Can you not handle a little self reflection?</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: No, that’s not it!</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Dagnabbit Dirk, why is it no matter what form you take you’re always so dagblasted overbearing!!!</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Oh.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: I see.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: This is because of alpha Dirk, isn’t it?</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Of course it’s about him.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: When is it never NOT about him?</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: *deep sigh*</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: So.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Do you want to talk about him?</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Not really.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: But I know I’ll probably end up talking about him later anyways, so better to rip off the band-aid as they say.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Getting a bit into pale territory a bit here eh?</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Pale?</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: I’ve been hearing that term being thrown around, but I don’t quite know what it means.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Jake, you’re stalling.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: I know, just, please?</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Ugh, fine.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: I’ll once again indulge in your avoiding of the subject.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: But we are talking about the Dirk thing once I finish.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: I suppose that’s fair.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: So, what do you know about quadrants.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Isn’t there a romance one, a hate one, a best chums one, and...</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Whatever the last one is?</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: I’d argue all of them have some form of romance, but for our purposes this is enough.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Pale romance, or moirallegiance, is what you so affectionately call the “best chums” quadrant.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: It’s basically having a designated person to talk to you about feelings, problems, romance, etc.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Sort of like Jane and I during sburb.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: If you want an example of a completely unhealthy and unstable moirallegiance, then yes.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: What?</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: But I always told her about my relationship problems, and-</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Jake.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Did you talk to her about HER problems though.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Well, no, but-</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Crikey! I never DID talk to her about her problems!</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: No WONDER she blew up at me!</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: *deepest sigh*</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Jake, you already knew this.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: I know you knew this because I am you and I know that you know this.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: I know that you knew that at the time you were doing that.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: You deliberately friendzoned her after Roxy told you about her affections for you.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Twice.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Jake, whether you knew it or not, you did some masterful manipulation that would put AR to shame.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: B-but!</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: I didn’t mean to!</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: I don’t want to hurt my friends!</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: I know you don’t, but you’re much smarter than people give you credit for.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: And I know that is what Dirk saw in you.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Aww fiddlesticks.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Do we have to talk about this now?</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: You agreed to no more stalling.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: I suppose I did, didn’t I.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Yes, you did.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Well, how do you want to start.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: I’m your brain.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: The question is how do YOU want to start?</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Well I suppose the only place to start is at the beginning.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Well, we already talked about how you manipulated Jane into the friendzone.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Now the real question is whether or not you did to because you wanted to pursue Dirk.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Don’t you already know the answer to this, being my brain and all?</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Jake, I want you to reach your own conclusions.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: But I don’t quite think I’m smart enough for this philosophical gobbledygook.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Jake, stop putting yourself down.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: You’re smarter than you think you are.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: You say that, but I don’t quite think I am.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: I really don’t want to get your hopes down, but I can’t help but feel you’re expecting too much from me.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: I’m just a gung-ho adventurer.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: I’m not some super genius like you Dirk.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Now is this what you want to say to me, or to alpha Dirk?</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: I-</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: I don’t know?</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: This is all just much too confusing.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Jake, come on.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: You really are more intelligent than you give yourself credit for.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: You keep saying that, but I don’t know how I am.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: I haven’t done anything right.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: I royally mucked up my relationship with everyone but Roxy.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: And I rarely saw her in the first place, with her hanging out with Jane and now Callie.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: All I wanted is to just be friends.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Have some good times, good laughs, watch good movies.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Sure, we’d have scrums every now and again, but that’s what all good friends do.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: And now I can't help but feel like I fucked everything up with my relationship drama.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: I can’t even admire my cerulean beauties or watch my favorite movies without feeling a pang of loss.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: That’s why I moved out here to the jungle.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: For adventure, of course, but also because I felt like I couldn’t look anywhere in my house without remembering the sleepover I had with Roxy, or Jane coming over to deliver everyone some freshly baked cakes, or when I watched Weekend at Bernie’s with Dirk on the couch.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: And I know it’s been years, but</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: I still can't help but feel a pang of loss whenever I look at Grandma’s ashes on the mantle.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: I know I should be over it by now, but</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: i still miss her.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: And heck, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I honestly miss the Brobot.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: I know it was always slightly terrifying knowing it was always watching, and always having to be on edge.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: But it protected me, and it was Dirk’s first gift to me.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: I know I always complained about how... close it got, but I did honestly really enjoy our semi-daily rounds of fisticuffs.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: I just miss logging on to Pesterchum before the game and talking to Dirk and everyone else before the game, back when we were all happy and carefree.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Well, I suppose my island was full of monsters, Jane had to deal with assasination attempts, and Dirk and Roxy were living in a waterlogged apocalypse, but still!</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Things were way better back then than they were in the game.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Sure, Dirk and I went off defiling ancient tombs and toppling sacred urns in the name of adventure.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: But it just wasn’t the same as going into the frog temple, searching for anything new from Grandma’s old tech company.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Giant beasts were traded for, frankly, incredibly annoying to kill skeletons, ancient ruins exchanged with dusty tombs filled with deadly gasses, and a robot exchanged with Dirk, which was honestly pretty much the only plus if I’m being honest.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: I guess I just miss the good old days.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Heh, 16 and already at my mid-life crisis?</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: We can only hope you don’t suddenly decide you need a motorcycle.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: No, I’ll stick to some good old fashioned roughing it in the wild.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Also, sorry, that was a bit of a long spiel.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: No worries, this actually brings up something I wanted to address.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Oh goody.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: You said how you felt you had “fucked up” your relationship with your friends.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Well I did. I befouled everything up!</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Have you made an effort to fix things?</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: You know bloody well I haven’t!</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Why haven’t you?</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Because, as I said earlier, I completely tore apart our friend group with my bogus relationship drama.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: I was so self obsessed and deluded that I dragged down everyone with me into the proper mess I created.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: It seems you’re blaming yourself for everything that has gone wrong in your friend group.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Oh don’t you pull this AR unattached observer "It seems" malarkey on me.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: You are as much a part of this as anyone else, seeing as how you are still a Dirk.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: I thought you said I wasn’t a “Real Dirk.”</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: I never said that!</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: No, but you implied it.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Well, I’m sorry for that then. Just because you’re not my Dirk doesn’t mean I should imply you’re fake.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: I appreciate the sentiment, but I quite literally am fake.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Oh bollocks, you’ve been real before, why aren’t you real now?</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Because you don’t believe in me.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: What?</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: I do.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Jake, when was the last time you talked to me?</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Erm... In the game?</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: And how long has it been since the game ended?</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: I don’t quite know, I’ve really lost track of the time out here adventuring and-</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Jake.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: A few months.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: And I had to reach out to talk to you while you were in your sleep, because you still won’t talk to me, even when you need me the most.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Umm</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: What?</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Jake, I was literally created because you needed someone to talk to.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: And now that you’ve isolated yourself you really need me now more than ever.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: But why are you doing this?</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Because I want to help you Jake.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: &lt;&gt;</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: ??</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Look it’s nothing, just talk to me okay. It is literally my purpose to help you.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: That sounds kind of sad, I don’t want you to just focus on me.</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Jake I want to help you. I want to be here for you. I want you to be able to count on me when you need advice.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Erm, are you trying to purpose something here?</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: (oh my god you oblivious fuck)</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Jake, I know you don’t really know that much about it, but...</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Would you be my moirail?</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: UMM WELL YOU SEE YOU’RE A SWELL FELLOW AND ALL BUT,</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: No, no, I get it, it’s too soon after Dirk, you don’t know about moirallegiance, it’s fine.</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: No, I know it’s not fine, because I know you Dirk, and I know you are going to sit here and fester over a rejection until the end of time, so I’m saying I can’t do it now, but...</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: I may be open to it later?</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Of course, I’ll have to research and all that, but the idea doesn’t sound...</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: Like a bad one?</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: So I guess, I’ll get back to you on that?</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: I’m waking up anyways, so</span><br/>
<span class="jake">GT: See you later I suppose!</span><br/>
<span class="dirk">TT: Yeah, seeya.</span><br/>
</p><p>
	<span class="pesterlog"><span class="jake">golgothasTerror [GT]</span> ceased pestering <span class="dirk">timaeusTestified [TT]</span></span><br/>
</p><p>Well, that somehow went both better and worse than you expected.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey, so I know it's been a few months, but I was maybe thinking about continuing this? I know I said I would only do one long-running multi-chapter series, so it might be another one off, but let me know if anyone'd be into that.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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